As listeners to the Adam & Joe show on BBC Radio Six will know, one of their catchphrases is “I’m going to have a party Pom Pom, it’s going to be a Poo Poo Party Pom Pom“. Myself and Freya have been using it for a while and have been finding it rather amusing.

We decided to write our own wedding vows to make it memorable and also for me to finally have something to do regarding the wedding. However, I soon noticed that this meant I would have to write something that was meaningful and, as readers of this blog have found out, my writing is totally rubbish.

Luckily I had an afternoon to go to my dentist (star of the Awful Wedding Story – coming soon!) and spent a nice sunny May day in Harrogate’s Valley Gardens racking my brains of good vow words. Eventually I had something figured out. It didn’t sound cheesy, it didn’t sound over the top, it sounded exactly how I felt about Freya.

And then I added a line asking if Freya wanted a Poo Poo Party Pom Pom?

I managed to memorise the vow, but thought I’d best take the piece of paper I’d written on along in case I had an attack of brain nerves.

On the day of the wedding I had to meet the registrar and state that I was marrying Freya for the right reasons and other official things. Then she asked if I had my vows. I said I did and reluctantly handed over the paper. The registrar seemed a very officious person and didn’t seem like someone who would appreciate the humour in my words. Luckily my brother did and started giggling uncontrollably. Which then started me off. Which made the registrar more po-faced.

Luckily she decided that we were ok to get married (I suspect she realised that Freya already knew I was an idiot but still liked me) and the ceremony went ahead without any problems. Well, apart from the other two Amusing Wedding Stories and the Awful Wedding Story.

I got married a few weeks back. It was very good. I kept smiling all the way through it, which is very unlike me. The whole thing went smoothly and we both enjoyed ourselves so much.

However:

We were having our First Official Dancey-Dance as a married couple to Nick Cave’s Breathless. To be honest we were rather stilted in our movements, but it was very sweet as we were both singing to each other. We were staring into each other eyes when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

It was my new Father and Step Mother in law. We were confused. They told us that they were leaving and wanted to thank us for a great evening. Errm, ok, but couldn’t you have told us this in about one minute and fifteen seconds?

What made it even stranger was that they then spent about ten minutes saying goodbye to everyone else! Apparently my cousin Kate told my brother/best man Tom to go over and stop them, but my SMIL just gave him a massive hug and he was so speechless he couldn’t do anything.

I reckon that they were both upstairs when we said it was going to be our first dance and they thought we had been on the dancefloor for a while. Still you’d have thought they could’ve waited. Ah well.

At the time I was baffled by it, but now it has morphed into Amusing Wedding Story Number One. I think there are two more Amusing Wedding Stories and one Slightly Upsetting Wedding Story to come.

In other news I have handed in my notice and will become a Finance Analyst for a company that is in Britain and primarily looks after Gas. I have no idea if this is A Good Thing or Not, but it will be a change. Expect complaining by about the 22nd July.

Mallory’s post about laundry reminded Bloodredroses about laundry which reminded me about laundry. I was at Uni, which is never the cleanest period of anyone’s life, however I always made sure I had clean pants, socks and t-shirts. This meant going to the laundrette at my halls and putting some money in the machines.

Pic stolen from Image Zen

As this was my first time doing my own washing I was sure of the etiquette. It was rather a small room, but I didn’t want to leave my clothes on their own (who knows if a 90 minutes ‘different class’ t-shirt can hack it by itself?) so I took my copy of The Beach along and started reading. As people kept coming in and leaving I realised I had made a major laundrette faux pax – I was meant to go back to my halls and return when my clothes had finished.

So I started to do this and all was well. I even progressed to the part where I could time to the exact minute when my washing and drying would be finished so I didn’t have to waste any time. This meant though that sometimes I would have to wait for a dryer to be free, and sometimes took clothes out of a finished dryer and left them on the side for their owner to collect them.

This was how I ended up with no pants.

I took some clothes out and left them on the side. Then put my pants and socks in to be dried. When I returned to my drier there were no pants. Or socks. But the clothes I had taken out were still on the side. I suspected the owner of these clothes had just gone into the dryer but didn’t check if they were his. But surely he would have noticed?

Either way this left me down to one pair of clean pants and I’m not the boy who will get run over with dirty pants so I had to go to the market to buy some. I kept going back to the laundrette to see if my washing turned up, but over the weekend it hadn’t. How could someone not have noticed that my clothes weren’t theirs? The other clothes were still there as well.

Luckily on Monday a swap had taken place and my pants had returned in a black bin bag (luckily not one used for trashbagging by Blade Braxton). Unfortunately they were still damp and therefore needed another wash.

My theory on this happened was this:

• Other washer had to leave for the weekend and asked his mate to get his clothes from the drier.
• Mate takes clothes out. Realises they’re damp but doesn’t really care, doing this is favour enough.
• Other washer comes back from weekend away, looks at clothes. They aren’t his.
• Luckily someone has KINDLY AND THOUGHTFULLY left their clothes on the side so he swaps them

Still you live and learn, so I went back to being the nerd reading books in the laundrette. Although I bought a GameBoy Color and started playing Mario Golf not long after.

In other news I only have five days left until I’m married. Yay!

And http://tv.timbormans.com/ is a good youtube/last.fm mashup. Search for uppi17 and enjoy!

Well it turns out the fretting over the non-arrival of the Word CD was for nought. They’ve sent another one without any problems.

I don’t like tattoos and find it hard to believe why someone would find it useful to have a reminder of their girlfriend’s name on their arm, or of their favourite game character, or a Japanese kanji symbol that they’re not quite sure what it means. But at least they’re original. Something that not many other people will have. Which is why I really don’t understand why so many people are getting five pointed stars for tattoos.

It seems that the people who get these are the emo kids. But it’s pretty obvious if you’re an emo kid without having to have a tattoo on your arm. Especially one of a really rubbish star.

And why are they all five pointed stars? What’s wrong with the six pointed star (er your link explains that – ed)? Or even the eight pointed star? Now it could be argued that they’re pentagrams and therefore highly mystic. But they’re not connected. Instead you look like a military buff. With a dodgy haircut.

The main problem I have with the stars is that they remind me of the bit in Ghostbusters where Bill Murray is testing a girl and a boy at ESP using cards. Now if all these people got tattoos in reference to Ghostbusters that makes sense, but why hide it in such an obscure manner? I asked someone if my theory was true. He replied, “that it’s true – this man has no dick” which was obviously some stupid in joke I didn’t understand. I left him and played Zool on my CD32.

Cheerio!

During my day off where I managed to get two women fighting over cutting my hair, had a argument over what lenses to have in my glasses and ate an ice cream whilst walking along the River Ouse in the sunshine, I also completed the year 2000 for the Sweeping The Nation Muxtape Challenge.

For those of you who do know a Muxtape is an online page where you make a mixtape of up to twelve mp3s. For those of you who don’t know Muxtape is what a South African calls the gaffer tape belonging to Michael.

Anyway here is the address for my muxtape:
http://uppi2000.muxtape.com/

Songs that narrowly missed qualification were:

• Lolly – Per Sempre Amore (the only song I can think of that’s about Siamese twins – I’ll explain later)
• The Soggy Bottom Boys – In Constant Sorrow (didn’t really fit in with the other tracks)
• Aqua – Cartoon Heroes (too good for this compilation)
• Sugababes – Soul Sound (best Sugababes song ever)
• Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci – The Blue Trees (eliminated because I couldn’t remember a single song from it)
• Gomez – Getting Better (the only song I could remember from Abandoned Shopping Trolley Hotline, and it was a cover)
• Whistler – Faith In The Morning (see Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci)

I feel a bit bad writing this but I’m really annoyed with (“Word” – ed) magazine*. You see I took up their offer of a very cheap two year subscription. And then the next issue failed to arrive.

Luckily the nice lady on the subs line told me they’d send another copy out. Which did arrive. And was missing the free CD. (And was the ’standard’ cover rather than the special subs edition – but I’m not too bothered about that (Oh and it missed the subs letter)) Now the magazine itself is the usual high quality, and contains a great picture of the girl from Guillemots, but I should have the free CD.

I’m in a nice car though. Should I ring up the nice lady and complain that they didn’t send me the free CD or should I just shut up and enjoy the magazine whilst drinking my *OBVIOUS PLUG TO INCREASE READERS OF THE BLOG* crate of JBL’s Mama Juwanna Boner Juice?

What am I talking about? I should stop being terribly English and complain.

* I’m sorry but The Word sounds awful for a magazine title. In fact, no magazine should have ‘The’ in the title. The NGamer? The Smash Hits? The Retro Gamer? The Edge? All sound much worse than if you removed the The.

Hello readers!

HURRAH! Bran Van 3000 appear to be back!

BAH! Jayne Hill appears to have left…

HURRAH! Pro Evolution Soccer on the Wii is the best football game since SWOS!

BAH! Mario Kart Wii is rather rubbish…

HURRAH! Only one week of Japanese lessons to go!

BAH! I hardly know any Japanese and will probably fail my exam…

HURRAH! Ronald McDonald’s sister is cute

BAH! Scarlett Johansson’s song isn’t as good as I thought it would be…

HURRAH! Stuart Campbell is excellent when he gets annoyed at someone!

BAH! It’s not so good when he charges for it, annoys the readers of his forum and then puts in a decent solution, but too late to bring some people back…

HURRAH! People kept looking at this blog even though I haven’t updated it for 3 months!

BAH! They appear to only be interested in my one mention of JBL’s Mama Juwanna Boner Juice…

HURRAH! The second best wedding of the year went off without a hitch (except well, the obvious one)!

BAH! My latest issue of Word didn’t come through the post so I asked for another copy, which arrived but was non-subscription copy and didn’t have the free CD…

HURRAH! The Watabe Wedding appears to be going according to plan!

BAH! People have cancelled for annoying reasons… (Anyone want to come instead?)

entry is going to be boring due to lack of enthusiasm and me feeling as though I’m in a Phil K Dick novel.

(a)
Just like Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy,
Benjamin Hall and Freya Whitely
were destined to be together

They would love for you to come to
their wedding
On
At 4.45pm
At the ,
York
With reception to follow

(b)
Benjamin and Freya are getting
married!

On
At 4.45pm
At the ,
York
With reception to follow

We would live it if you could come
and share our day with us

(c)
Once upon a time
There was a girl called Freya
And a boy called Benjamin
And they were just right for each other

So they decided to get married
On
At 4.45pm
At the ,
York

They would love it if you would
come and share their special day!

——

I prefer (a), Freya prefers (c).

The Meaning Of Life

It’s been released in a buggy state & certainly isn’t as good as it’s been made out to be.
One out of seven